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Возвращение Месси с отпуска [TPG&TIF]

Тема в разделе "Засчитанные RP", создана пользователем MessiS, 26 апр 2019.

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  1. MessiS

    MessiS

    ..

    Статус:
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    Игровой ник:
    Aleksandr_Messi
    Александр после отпуска возвращается на работу

    Спустя некоторое время отпуска, после поездки к родителям в другой город,
    Александр Месси возвращается в Премьерск. Снимает деньги и едет в магазин купить что-то на первое время, он покупает шампунь 2 в 1,
    после чего уже едет домой спать. Дома кладет вещи, смотрит телевизор, принимает туалетные процедуры и идет спать.
    На следующий день, он идет на утреннюю пробежку,на пробежке он неудачно получил легкую травму,после пробежки,
    он возвращается домой и занимается своими делами, так же думает об покупке новой одежды. Недолго думая, он решается поехать в магазин одежды,
    В магазине одежды он покупает смокинг, едет домой, по пути заезжает в закусочную и берет с собой чизбургер и 0.5 баночку колы.
    Дома он кушает и смотрит телевизор, затем идет примерять новый костюм. После примерки, Александр думает о выходе на работу
    Он узнает дату по телевизору и едет в городскую администрацию, что-бы вернутся на работу. В городской администрации он заходит офис своего начальника,
    в офисе Александр заполняет бланк об окончании отпускных, и идет за работу. Немного поработав, Александр едет домой, дома принимает душ,смотрит телевизор
    и ложится спать.
    Aleksandr_Messi- главное лицо РП
    Savva_Sponreez- кассир в магазине 24/7
    Roma_Provalov- кассир в магазине одежды
    David_Resp- кассир в закусочной
    Nikita_Ermakov- начальник ФССП

    С карты снято 15.000 тысяч рублей
    Приобретен костюм за 5.000
    Александр вернулся после отпуска на работу
    Глава 3: После того, как сел в машину, забыл закрыть изнутри
    Глава 4: Возможны некорректные действия кассира, так как он пользовался биндом
    Глава 6: Забыл достать ключ из двери
    Глава 8: 2 раза /me встает
    Глава 10: Забыл перевести взгляд на дорогу
    Глава 11: Возможны некорректные действия кассира
    Глава 13: Возможны некорректные действия кассира
    Глава 14: Когда открывал дверь, позвонили; Когда выходил с квартиры, забыл положить пульт на диван
    .
    Неправильная манера скринить в некоторых местах
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    Последнее редактирование: 26 апр 2019
  2. ToM

    ToM

    ...

    Статус:
    Offline
    Регистрация:
    03.08.2018
    Сообщения:
    32
    Симпатии:
    55
    Игровой ник:
    Sasha_Filatov
    Засчитано!
    Смотри, здесь я ставлю зачет, в большей степени, авансом. Мне очень понравился объём "приезда" и содержание, вот реально, давно не было таких приездов. Именно из-за этого я поставлю зачет. К тому же, нет логических ошибок у тебя, НО, учти всё то, что я выпишу ниже, подтяни вот эти недочеты и будешь вообще топ РПшником. Не хочу тушить в тебе стремление к отыгрыванию РП на форум, но, в дальнейшем буду строже оценивать именно тебя, потому что сейчас ты получаешь авансом. Если дальше увижу ошибки, которые выпишу ниже, ты получишь незачет, какого объёма бы не было твоё РП)
    1. Когда заехал в город, мог бы заметить стеллу "Премьерск".
    2. Неправильная манера скринить (с фарами).
    3. Снова неправильная манера скринить (когда сел), нужно так "/me садится на корты" *делаешь скрин стоя* *садишься* пишешь "/do на кортах" *скрин*
    4. Кассир потерял /do деньги в кассе. /do чек напечатан.
    5. Забыл убрать кошелек в карман.
    6. Походил в обуви по всему дому, потом решил снять) Немного некоректно ты отыграл снятие обуви. Либо нагнулся бы, либо отыграл бы "снимает ногой о ногу обувь"
    7. Снова некоректно отыграл, после /me включает телевизор пультом, нужно было /do телевизор включен, а уж потом про то, что там идет.
    8. Неправильная отыгровка пробуждения. Нужно было отыграть "/me просыпается, /do пробуждение", а потом открывать глаза.
    9. Не нужно прям каждый шаг скринить) Можно брать интервал в пару метров.
    + ошибки, которые указал сам.
     
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